वो फिर नही आतें ( They never come back) ...

 

It’s been over twelve days, my mother passed away. It was a shock for me and the whole family, as a day before she was hale and hearty and we had spoken to her over a video call, the previous day. My heart is still in denial mode and I find it impossible to believe that she is no more. I am still figuring out how to cope up with the loss of my beloved family member as a family is a constant support system of your life.

Just remembering that day, brings back a lot of emotions. It was something I cannot describe in words. When I heard the news, I had a complete shutdown as I was away from her. And when I saw her dead body, I couldn’t control my tears. I sat there devastated and felt like having your happiness and support destroyed within a moment. It did get tough though when I had to console my siblings and hold my tears back. All I could think about the arrangements that had to be made for all last rites. There were people who looked at me with pity eyes and messaged me to say that they are there for me and I could talk to them whenever I felt like it. Then there were my friends who would do anything to not see me getting upset.

For the last twelve days, I tried to reason with myself, if my mother could have lived longer. I kept on regretting not being with her during her last few days. I have replayed that day several times in my head just to look at some of the tiny details which might have missed that instance when she had her last breath.

I have had quite a few dreams about her. Like every mother, she was very proud of her children and their achievements. Whenever my photograph used to get published in the newspaper or I used to take her to star hotel on special occasions, the pride was evident on her face. I cannot get another mother to fill her void, but what I can do is adjust and accept. Accept that she is not going to come back. Adjust for the fact that maybe I do not have her anymore but I could still get on with my life with the people I have around me.

I know that eventually, I might get over it with time. I also know that she is not here with me, but deep inside she is still with me. I know that when I ring the doorbell, she will not be standing behind it, but then it’s destiny. Eventually, I might reach the stage of accepting her death as a reality and move forward to embrace life. The positive aspect, if any, is that she had a death that was not painful, which she always wanted and prayed to the almighty.

As I had mentioned in my recent novel, life is temporary, still we seek permanency in this temporary world. So, we have to accept that in the journey of this temporary life, some of our loved ones may leave us without notice, only not to come back again :(

कुछ लोग जो सफ़र में बिछड़ जाते हैं

वो हज़ारों के आने से मिलते नहीं

उम्र भर चाहे कोई पुकारा करे उनका नाम

वो फिर नहीं आते, वो फिर नहीं आते

May my lovely mother’s soul rest in peace and comfort wherever it is in this universe.